


Things you said when you were afraid

by grelotgirl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: I made myself sad, M/M, first war era, this is my first fic here hope it is not too horrible omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-16 09:07:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4619658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grelotgirl/pseuds/grelotgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title says it all. Set in 1st Wizard War.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things you said when you were afraid

Nobody told them that war was going to be like that. Sirius has read a lot, a fucking lot about epic wars and stuff, but books never told about this tiredness, this dullness. 

They live in a small, ugly flat where it is always cold and always empty. Remus spends weeks away, just like he does, and they don’t really happen to meet when they are free. Sometimes sirius thinks that remus doesn’t want to see him. He doesn’t blame him, though. Sometimes sirius doesn’t want to see remus either.

_Good evening. Re_ mus is in the kitchen, looking all skinny, and weary, and broken. Sirius blinks, sighs, gets into the kitchen and kisses him on the cheek.

_How are you_ like it’s a normal question, like they’re normal friends. Remus looks at him like he was saying  _do you really want to know, Pads. S_ irius doesn’t know, doesn’t say anything, just watches Moony sit in the couch, looking at him from there. Sirius sighs, grabs a cup of cold, watery coffee and goes with him.

_How are you_ he repeats, and Remus just shrugs, because it is fucking obvious that he isn’t fine, at all. 

_How are you, pads._ Remus’ thin fingers touch his knee. Sirius doesn’t want to answer, doesn’t want to say  _fine, thanks_ , doesn’t want to say  _awful, but i don’t wanna talk about it_ , doesn’t want to ask _him what went wrong with us, Remus, what has happened when we loved each other that much and now we barely can’t look at each other in the eye._ He doesn’t say a thing for a while. Remus waits, as always.

_I fell in love with you fifth grade_. He blurts out. Remus gives him a patient look.  _We were studying for that O.W.L.s shit and you already knew everything when Peter and I had just started with it. You didn’t offer us help, though, it wasn’t that day. You just closed your book, smiled, and then you said that you were going to get us a couple cups of tea. And that was it. Bam. I told myself this is the person I want to spend my life with._

Remus looks like he’s about to cry. All this weeks, almost two months without touching each other, and now, this. Remus feels that if Sirius is the spy he will instantly die. Heartbroken.

_Why do you say this to me. Why do you say this now._  He whispers, reaching his fingers to touch Sirius’ face. 

_Because I’m scared,_  he wants to say.  _Because I’m afraid you are going to stab me, to stab us in the back and I want you to know there is no need of it, we can always run away, start over, but please don’t be the spy, please don’t do this to me._

He doesn’t say anything. He kisses Remus.

Nobody told them war was like that, but tonight, tonight is ceasefire night.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first post here, so — hello! my tumblr is desphaera.tumblr.com in case you want to pop by and say hello ♥


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